the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
