i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
