I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
