Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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