I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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