Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
