did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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