There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
