You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
