i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
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Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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