Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
