I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
