He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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