bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
foreskin is a definite game changer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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