Why are handjobs necessary in class?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
