i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
