I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
