We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I didn't notice because vodka
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
