I wish my penis had an off switch
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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