Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
is wine microwaveable?
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did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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