so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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