dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize