sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
