Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Bring me that man meat
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
