you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
