Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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