Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
