it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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