There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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