Farmville is her only friend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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