You just made me feel so damn special
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
