pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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