He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
