I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
