So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need a beard to bite.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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