So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
