wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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