She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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