her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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