I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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