Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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