Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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