3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
