i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize