if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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