Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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