meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
