At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
