yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
