I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my liver is dry heaving
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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