Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
