I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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