I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
