It's just like the Real World with babies
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
