why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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