woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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