wrigley field is MILF paradise
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
