I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
