and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
