i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
