Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she pinky promised me she was 18
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
