Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
