Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
