am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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