Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
