Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
