I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
