So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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