When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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